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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Weird Shit...

I have too much shit piled up in my life.... this blog is part of a series dedicated to the trash canning of the amount of junk I have in my mind, hard drive and life.....

Old lawschool poster hanging outside my door -

Lex Legalis Bastardis

Lupinus Rex Eo Carpe Jugulum


A bastard of the law

A lone wolf at your throat

Another classic one above my desk -

Acquiris Quod Cumque Rapis


you get what you grab

Now, if that is not weird enough.....take a look at one of my finest compositions which rings a sure bell for psycho-analysts and straight jackets !!!

Truth and Lies

A life of lies; an existence paid in deceit

A baseless living, where meaning is forfeit

Treachery, betrayal, hatred, guile

Tools to make a mask so vile

Where the value of self has no belief

And time itself is but a thief

A sense of direction, false in its hope

An emotion of success, in vain to gloat

A creation of itself, no one to blame,

A man of the times, without any shame

Well is it known, the birth of such fear

The end is however unclear

To subsist on hope and to despair of it all

Awaiting each day, each hour, the executioners call

A stock of words and to string them fine

A house of cards, with expression benign

A tale of woe, finely etched, well wrought

A new pack of victims to be eagerly sought

Promises, oaths and others too

Made with a flourish, broken with a smile

Think not, what to say and what to do

Nothing but another notch on the wall, another unknown file

Crazed for respect, a denigration of ideals

Need to feel that common touch

Of emotions responded, and feelings reciprocated

Of the need of humanity, is that too much?

A life of lies; an existence paid in deceit

A baseless living, where meaning is forfeit

A touch of the moon, the Reaper’s call

A life lived wrong that’s all.


Nuff' said.....

..... for now..... hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe......

Monday, September 08, 2008

Going…Going….Glasgow Long Gone….

Haven’t blogged in a while…..issues, concerns, the usual excuses etc abound….but as the title says, Glasgow is long gone…

I took my first dump in years, aeons it seems on an Indian toilet in an Indian train… was sadistic…..part pleasure, part pain…. my shit was in serious traction, read it as you will…..

Time to face the facts…..I am FAT….not obese, not over-weight, but pure and simple fat….

Used to be able to do this exercise without a worry in my halcyon years in college and then on…..I mean, I spent about 7-8 years criss-crossing India on the magnificent Indian railways and taking all the facilities as my father’s, if not my grand-daddy’s domain…..Air flights were still expensive and collegiate students in my days, were wolf packs who travelled in numbers and ate everything that came in sight…..liberalization and cheap air fuel has had a very detrimental effect on college education, as I see it….

At one point of time, me and my buddies were on first name basis with half the rail staff on the northern and the western routes, and once we were across the Howrah station, we were treated like royalty…..we were the “boys” …… now that I think of it, we were more like the “brats”….. we terrorized the bloody routes, most of the time…..but all that being said and exclaimed over….I was still a limber boy and though I was over-weight still, I effectively and efficiently carried the weight around and used it to proper effect in various fora (namely, as a battering ram most usually wherever it was required and even a few places, it was not)

Anyway, ablutions done, I returned to my cabin and plopped myself down with DBoy II to at least make amends with myself, if not with any idiot who’s mad enough to read this….

AND there ARE people who read this…..and then find ways of complaining to my relatives that I have written such and such!!! I am still laughing at that!!! Someone wants to sue for name-calling?? Bring it ON!!!! I still have the drunken tapes and worse…..

Okay, sorry for the digression…..

How the hell did I land up here, on an Indian toilet, still smoking my beloved roll-up’s and wondering where the fuck am I going to get into next??

It was about 2 years ago around the same time that I started this blog…..yeah, dates be damned, I started the blog, once I got my laptop (DBoy I, who is now my brother’s property) but the thought process I had described had actually started around that time….

The whole concept of leaving the UK had been playing on my mind for quite some time, but the moot question was how to go back and what the hell I would do back home….plus the issue of becoming “secure” which my girl was concerned about and I was frantic for….

I had a decent job, but it was a job which paid the rent and not something I could possibly call a career to be dead honest…..I had decent lodgings, but if I wanted to see a future ahead for myself, all I got was a hell of a lot of static on the crystal ball….

On a sudden impulse (yeah, stop grinning you, I know I am impulsive) I decided to go home….I mean, like hell I deserved it…..It was more than 20 months since I had taken a break, gone home or done anything beyond work…..(time spent with P does not count ……. hehehehehehehehehe……)

Utilizing the utmost caution, I booked my tickets, took leave from work and sety off home…..having no informed ANYONE back home that I was coming, it was an utter and splendid surprise with mom actually going beserk for a few minutes and quasi-beserk for the next two weeks (she would insist on hitting me everytime I was around – to make up for the past 2 years quota, she’d claim)

But the honest fact was, before I bought the tickets, I had been talking to my buddies back home to check out the scene and setting up interviews……yeah, it was hell on my phone bills, but I guess it was worth it…..working up the nerve to actually book the tickets on a do or die expedition to go back home and knock on a few doors was the impulsive part……

To cut a long story short, I got an interview with a consultancy firm working with SEBI on trade disinvestment and other such issues that I had studied about and knew how to blow the breeze for all I was worth…..and THAT is a humongous amount of bullshit to be up in the air, let me tell you….

So, they offered me a decent package and I upped sticks, as the expression goes…..not that it was not hard leaving P, but I really needed to get the hell going, if I wanted to have any sort of a future with her… fact, any kind of a future at all….

So here you find me, on my way to Delhi to make good all that bullshit…..and I am just done shitting, if you know what I mean….

I have no idea where I’ll land up next… my friends tell me, I am the epitome of the reckless adventurer every boy dreams of becoming ….. (AND every boy dumps the dream; the minute he sees a pretty girl’s eyes twinkling back at him…..I was just unlucky, I still state)

I am the most incongruous adventurer type you’ll ever find…..I am fat (intend to change that – VLCC, here I come!!), lazy, a slob and existentially the most uninterested character one can ever find…..Brendan Fraser, I sure am NOT…..

And yet, I still live the dream….essentially fancy free and foot loose with a huge bike, a bag full of degree’s, a head stuffed with imagination and a tongue glib enough to convince the ferryman to let me cross the river to the next bend……

I believe in myself….. I believe that one can essentially live life, if one takes whatever is thrown at him and makes use of the same…..I live life in the small details….in the sadistic pleasures of a dump aboard an Indian train, of watching the clouds form a fleecy firmament at 35,000 feet above the earth, of the surprise (actually shock) of my mom’s face, of the wind ruffling my bare scalp as I ride without a helmet……Yes, I believe life can be lived like a gamble, riding high on the chance, on the roll of the dice, learning from the lows even….

One HAS to gamble with life…..not always, but at times… cannot live life by the book…..but you can sure as hell write the damn book yourself….

Small things, all of us can do, the small pleasures of life….even with the pains, which make it all so alive…..

Glasgow is long gone……here comes Delhi….

Blog on, aye??!!!