Problems & Solutions

The world lacks solutions…..simple, effective, enduring solutions…..

Its complicated, its not that simple, things are not what they seem….that’s what they all say……

I hate reading newspapers……there’s nothing new…..movie reviews - yes, sports - not interested, comics - definitely, editorials/social news - maybe……………But the main page is monotonous…….

We sign one deal and get entangled in another……there’s no single stand taken in the last 10 years that has been of any significance……yes, we have had events…….we have even had declarations and obviously, ramifications, permutations and combinations of the same……and of course, we have death’s and births.......much more than we ever envisaged.......and bloodier than we expect, every time....

When we were growing up, we read history as being a series of events that were linked by one simple word – significance…..

Significance in the manner that meant as a rudder, as a wind vane, a lighthouse perhaps……significance of direction, of endeavour or even culmination of effort…..I would read news papers as a school kid and convince myself that this was history occurring, something that predicted the way forward……did you ever feel the same?

Or were you too worked up about board results to even sit back and consider what you were reading, besides being useful in the next GK unit test?

And somehow, we were entangled in consumerism that destroyed journalism…..We are entangled in liberalization that has crushed traditional evaluation of self, society…..We are entangled with our understanding within any given structure…….

I am wondering where we are and what we would describe ourselves as…..

Rishabh, my younger colleague at work asked me a few days back, “what’s the solution?”

“Solution to what? There are no solutions, only resolutions, dissolutions and absolutions.” I quipped back.

He was after a solution to this entire issue of terrorism and its eventual solution……I wondered if I had ever posed queries like this, at his age or younger…….After exactly 30 seconds of thought, I decided that I had and I still don’t have answers……Like most people, I tried to make a difference till I finally learnt to let things ride by till they stop bothering me……….tolerance, forbearance, endurance…….whatever you call it……

So, do solutions exist?

Even as a cynical, pessimistic, seen-it-all, done-it-all washed up bum that I have become, I still believe in that one enduring truth……that’s there’s always a way….

(But someone’s got to pay…….says the evil and cynical bum in me)

I admit it…..I can’t answer questions that everyone asks…….but I can think of ways that might construe as means that would ensure an end…….not that they would NOT be easy, not that they would be acceptable or even understood…….but yes, they would be solutions…..

A solution starts with a revolution……..history teaches us that……Hitler found solutions, just like Churchill did, or Bismarck or Blenheim or even by the Borgia’s or by Charlemagne and so on and so forth, or back……just because some worked while others didn’t, doesn’t disprove the fact that they ALL started out as solutions to problems being faced……but the problem with revolutions is that they always come back to where you started off.....that’s why they’re called REVOLUTIONS....

There are many ways to solutions……I always preferred ol’ alex’s way with the geordian knot……We are always one sword slice away from the knottiest problems that can face us……..one sharp, hurting sword slice…….

So, yes……we can have solutions, Rishabh……..but it means a lot of things and takes a lot of people……and maybe some blood, sweat, toil and tears……..bones for bricks and blood as mortar……..and we are past the age of belief, forget about sacrifice…….

As I always say……..freedoms, rights, truth, justice…….it sounds all good…..but nobody ever said that it was nice……and no one talks about the prices paid, because we definitely didn’t pay it……..so, yeah, we can all talk up a storm……as shreya puts it, there’s nothing more stimulating than intellectual masturbation......

You say no revolution? You say satyagraha? You DARE utter Munnabhai or Gandhigiri and I’ll take the family war axe to you, you ignorant philistine!!!

I am sick of Gandhi and his satyagraha bullshit…….when will the world wake up the realise that for one great idea, one man and his multitude of mistakes, dithering, partialism, nepotism, manipulative politics cannot be equated together and all else be forgiven……

Our mistake is that we Indian’s suffer from the royalty complex…..we just want to touch someone’s feet and proclaim them lord god almighty……..although to our benefit, we also have developed the anti-thesis to this…..we expect our gods to perform miracles and if they cannot deliver, we move on to the next would-be god promising us miracles…..truly, as arvind adiga says, we’re a nation of arse kissers and we’ve got far too many arses to kiss, whether they be god’s or supervisor’s.

The bloody Brits were NOT driven out by Gandhi and his movements…..They LEFT of their own free will…..There were three other movements before the Quit India Movements……..Gandhi proved weak and indecisive……I don’t take this as a perspective, but an opinion……others are welcome to dispute my belief’s, but this is not the forum perhaps…..

What we always forget is that behind 1947 stood over 90 years of relentless struggle, most of it violent and singularly and collectively defeated by the British…..since 1857, there have been 90 bloody years of struggle that has been erased by one idea and one politician who was smart enough to push the envelope and become a saint through desperate politicking and insecurity......

What we forget is that India was not a Union of States but a collection of princely states, each with their own mandate, each with their own biases……..

What we forget is that the people were divided as sharply over differing issues and contexts then as they are today……the lines of caste have merely been replaced by bank balances…….the lines of regionalism have replaced the old beliefs of feudalism……not much has changed….As a people today, India within 61 years of independence has achieved the same status that it had in 1857, pre-sepoy mutiny……..

Divided, controlled and yet surging with a restless urge of economic and social transformation……our old lines of control have been erased leaving nothing in their place……

Our social mores & values have disappeared with evolving conditions leaving no solidarity of ground or platform, except that of economics and consumerism……the proverbial carrot to us donkeys…..and we’re still paying for the damn carrot!!!

Our unity is in disarray because we have no common ground, other than that of relentless movement, but even there we are directionless…..

So, into THIS, you want to carve out solutions…….through satyagraha?

Gandhi arrived in a boiling seething mass agitated by 60 years of unremitting activism, singly and collectively, on every possible layer of Indian society and consciousness……It was tumultuous, aye……It was enervating, true……it was perfect timing to leave South Africa and enter India…..of this cohesive whole, he fashioned his idea of non-violence........a brilliant idea, FOR THE TIME & PLACE ONLY.......

Today we have India Shining and its immaculate barricades under siege......as it has always been.......Yesterday it was a western hegemony and today its face of racial and radical hegemonies......

Do we have solutions which are not revolutions? I think not.....

We have to suffer more, be far more bereft and reach the boiling point of cohesion and unity to be ready for hammering out the steel of destiny on the forge of time......just like another generations, a few jumps in the past were submitted to.....

We have not the singularity of purpose with which we can reach a unified objective....
We do not have ideals or beliefs which are above daily, humdrum concerns....

We do not have anything in which the people of our nation believe in.......

We do not have leaders......

We are still awaiting the men of the hour who will take the stand to decide that democracy works when the mass understands the meaning of the vote.......

We are still awaiting the rise of those voices which will not be stilled by the relentless tide of consumerism and self-gratification.....

We still await the presence of sense.........just like me writing these lines and still hoping for the damn messiah!!!

As I stated before, we Indians are still awaiting the next fresh arse to kiss......

And you ask for solutions?

Marital Discomfort

Why do men want wives?

The usual answer is because they want to be mommied over, about and rendered completely useless……This is not my definition, but a phenomenon that I have noticed…..A phenomena noticeable in all my friends who bear the brunt of my challenging personality by enduring me over a rather long period of time…….

Okay, I know I am not welcome in your homes anymore……but I still stand my ground!!!!

Take one boy out of his mother’s grasp, dump him in school (for god knows why, because education cant be the real reason) and then onto to college and so on and so forth, till the man who finally emerges in the rat race is capable of managing for himself……

By managing I mean, being able to do everything from tying up his own shoe laces to drying out the towel to actually earning his own money and spending it as he damn pleases!!!!

And then, one way or the other, he gets married and reverts back to childhood within a span of a few months…….for some, it takes barely weeks……sucking on his thumb is optional, I am informed…..He gets a mom to chivvy him around and manage his life…….and for this he gets married???!!!!!

Okay, previously I stated, I need company…….that’s a requirement……a mom would be a liability……My mom, for example, would be rather big liability on my liquor cabinet, I believe……..

Okay, I have heard enough reasons from the opposite sex……. ESPECIALLY from those who are married………apparently, the very sight of an untrammelled and rather happy young man with enough glib lines to get some decent dates and earning enough to be able to pay for all the beer the PYT’s consume, drives them BATTY (something I am truly relishing presently!!!)

But coming back to the topic, trust me, I have heard all the rationalizations the petty female human mind can dream up and they are all drivel…….Men are so pathetic and so easily manipulated that its with utter shame I call myself one……..

So, WHY do we buy the damn cow when you can get the milk…….especially now that it comes in different flavours???

One answer was given by an old lawschool pal (face it guys, I went to lawschool, all I’ll have are lawschool pals…..we endured each other for 5 yrs to the point of becoming immured to each other) who is now a rather well recognised judicial magistrate and proud father of a very beautiful daughter ……..

So, according to Dhar-Babu, as we all knew him, men get married because marriage is the price men pay for sex…….Arguably, the arranged marriage system exists for the sole fact that it helps reticent Indian men to get laid for a flat fee of paying all other and incidental expenses……

Oh, and yes, the incidental expenses keep on accruing……..its not a reducing balance EMI payment with calculated interest on depreciation and similar…….its an increasing interest rate that grows exponentially for every given year of marriage, with intense verbal paperwork such as temper tantrums, PMT and pregnancy issues, not to mention a whole plethora of added side issues like in-laws and friends of the partner ……..and that’s not the end……we have yet to begin on the issues of penalties against non-performance of duties, viz. non ability to pay bills, create children, timely and understandable formulation of affection via materialistic expressions and substantiation thereof……

In short, I just don’t bloody get it……..WHY do we have to marry?? Just to get laid???

WOW...........

So, anyway, now the question stands…….WHY do we want to get married??

You can get dumped, you can get taken, you can get reverted to immaturity and regressed childhood……..the list doesn’t stop, but the marriages don’t stop either…….

Anyone answering Love, may please refer back to my earlier blogs;

http://phoren-se.blogspot.com/2007/05/travails-of-marriagechauvinistically.html

Anyone answering boredom can refer to my other blog sites;

http://storiesfromthegrave.blogspot.com/2007/10/pre-marital-woes.html

Anyone referring to anything sensible may please draft the same in tissue paper and do whatever it is that one does to tissue paper……

The rest of you, still reading.......get married!!!!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..........

Cars & Company....

Okay, I need a wife.....and a car...

No, that’s kind of wrong…. I need a jeep and I need company…..

Yeah….that makes some kind of sense…..I guess….

I mean, they go together, yeah? Like when you’re single, you have a bike and you are usually broke….and then you get a girl and you eventually move towards a car and then a flat and get more broke and stuff like that…..

I am always the contrary one…..so I got myself a thunderbird when I was younger…..

Am older now, so a car maybe……naaah, I want a jeep…..

The women, you ask? They’re company…….cant figure out how to decide which one I want or will do for me……jeeps, cars, bikes – they’re easy……women, not really….I mean, you cant really test drive a woman and then decide, yeah?

And before you get married, women can seriously confuse you and themselves that a test drive doesnt seem enough.......you end up thinking of insurance......COMPREHENSIVE insurance from all the mistakes you might make!!!!

However, I just took a test drive on the Mahindra Invader…… boy, it was cool……but its gonna get cooler….its the platform vehicle for the Inspira, you see……

You don’t??

Okay, lemme explain…..

My latest obsession is with the customised Mahindra Inspira – the Indian version of the Jeep Wrangler……its time, I bought a car and of course, me being yours truly……it will have to be something that stands apart from the crowd…… of course, at times, considering my size, I am a crowd…..

Anyway, observe my thunderbird…….when initially bought, it was one of the most expensive motorcycles in India and the first proper cruiser…….not satisfied with that, I further modified it as you can see in the pics below…. I built it to resemble the lean harley chopper with the high back and the pulled back handlebars…..plus a few other things….

So, it’s kind of like obvious that I will want something similar when I buy a car…..

A jeep is what I want…..a modified, customised one at that…….like the Inspira….

So here it goes…….everyone I know has bought a car ……. Thus, no reason why I should not, yeah?

Rahul states in horrified tones that driving in delhi is madness………I’ll kind of agree with that…..driving anywhere in India is madness…….which is why I disliked driving in the west……its too sane!!!

At times, Rahul reminds me of my relations in Jorhat and other sleepy towns in Upper Assam. They are filled with people 68 years old who were going to do something big in their lives but waited till it was safe. Now it is safe and they are 68 years old.

It’s the same with driving…..you cant wait till all the streets are clear and all the traffic lights are green….. You just have to make the most of what you get…..

Indians are possibly the most accomplished drivers in the world, followed closely by the Portuguese, the Greeks and the Italians……..well, the order is interchangeable but the singular first place is held by Indians…..

Driving in any city in India is a dog-fight pure and simple…….right back to the days of WWII when the British, American and German pilots slugged it out over the English Channel and the fields of Normandy, the idea of a dog fight meant exactly what it says……a fight for simple survival where the enemy can pop out of any damn where and you better have your ears, eyes and every sense attuned and alert for any change in the present circumstances…..you can expect the same on any Indian road and the enemy might turn out to be little boys, men, women, animals and other vehicles of any random order to pop out anywhere and at anytime……

Therefore, If you want to drive in India, you better be good…….

Its the ultimate challenge for any driver to simply get to his destination…….you can jump lanes, even borders and curbs, go up wrong ways, take illegal u-turns, double park and everything else that you aren’t supposed to do……in essence, traffic in india is still in its adolescence while the rest of the world has reached senility!!!

So anyway, after that soporific digression, to the main issue…..the meat, as it were;

At law school, life was hard enough what with lack of funds, resources, so I would dream about having this open top convertible or a beast of a jeep where I could sit up high and good and scare the shit out of anything smaller on the road…..

So, when I saw the Inspira, I was hooked……

Built on the above mentioned Mahindra Invader platform, it has a stupendous amount of customized add-on’s…….the price is a bit steep, but hell I waited like 10 years to get here, so fuck I’ll be deterred by price now…..

The handling is much smoother than I expected but the ride is still that of a jeep…..ready to take on anything…..the gear handle is a little short and the steering wheel a tad small for such a large vehicle, but those are cosmetic changes…..so off I went…..

I laughed at the pot holes in lado sarai and scared the living daylights out of drivers on the moolchand flyover…..the company representative sitting next to me was willing to agree to everything I said, as long as I didn’t ask him to let go of the crash bar and the door clutches…..

My neighbours asked me when I was buying the jeep and I told them not for the next 6 months or so……

I mean, as I told panks today……its not just about going out to the showroom and just picking up a car or any product and then saying its yours and you wanted it….. ANYONE can do that….

You have to wait for it……plan for it, save for it……even if you have the money, you should savour the delicious taste of the wanting, the desire to possess should completely overwhelm you…..and then you should weigh the merits and the demerits…..

I have joined at least three different online forum’s for car aficionado’s and jeep owners…….posted threads about this specific jeep asking about its performance, its qualities etc….

Over the next 6 months, I would date this car, get snaps, probe, test ride and do all in my power to check it out from every possible angle or manner of thought…..Loan options, saving schemes, everything that could possibly give me more information or means to completely own this magnificient vehicle…..

Madness you say……obsession I say…..and it is better to obsess than to merely possess…..

Well, its easy to write about machines……but as for the company, the wife etc etc…....

I guess, I’ll just stay silent on that one……for now !!!

Weird Shit...

I have too much shit piled up in my life.... this blog is part of a series dedicated to the trash canning of the amount of junk I have in my mind, hard drive and life.....

Old lawschool poster hanging outside my door -

Lex Legalis Bastardis

Lupinus Rex Eo Carpe Jugulum

(Translation)

A bastard of the law

A lone wolf at your throat

Another classic one above my desk -

Acquiris Quod Cumque Rapis

(Translation)

you get what you grab

Now, if that is not weird enough.....take a look at one of my finest compositions which rings a sure bell for psycho-analysts and straight jackets !!!

Truth and Lies

A life of lies; an existence paid in deceit

A baseless living, where meaning is forfeit

Treachery, betrayal, hatred, guile

Tools to make a mask so vile

Where the value of self has no belief

And time itself is but a thief

A sense of direction, false in its hope

An emotion of success, in vain to gloat

A creation of itself, no one to blame,

A man of the times, without any shame

Well is it known, the birth of such fear

The end is however unclear

To subsist on hope and to despair of it all

Awaiting each day, each hour, the executioners call

A stock of words and to string them fine

A house of cards, with expression benign

A tale of woe, finely etched, well wrought

A new pack of victims to be eagerly sought

Promises, oaths and others too

Made with a flourish, broken with a smile

Think not, what to say and what to do

Nothing but another notch on the wall, another unknown file

Crazed for respect, a denigration of ideals

Need to feel that common touch

Of emotions responded, and feelings reciprocated

Of the need of humanity, is that too much?

A life of lies; an existence paid in deceit

A baseless living, where meaning is forfeit

A touch of the moon, the Reaper’s call

A life lived wrong that’s all.

***

Nuff' said.....


..... for now..... hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe......

Going…Going….Glasgow Long Gone….

Haven’t blogged in a while…..issues, concerns, the usual excuses etc abound….but as the title says, Glasgow is long gone…

I took my first dump in years, aeons it seems on an Indian toilet in an Indian train…..it was sadistic…..part pleasure, part pain…. my shit was in serious traction, read it as you will…..

Time to face the facts…..I am FAT….not obese, not over-weight, but pure and simple fat….

Used to be able to do this exercise without a worry in my halcyon years in college and then on…..I mean, I spent about 7-8 years criss-crossing India on the magnificent Indian railways and taking all the facilities as my father’s, if not my grand-daddy’s domain…..Air flights were still expensive and collegiate students in my days, were wolf packs who travelled in numbers and ate everything that came in sight…..liberalization and cheap air fuel has had a very detrimental effect on college education, as I see it….

At one point of time, me and my buddies were on first name basis with half the rail staff on the northern and the western routes, and once we were across the Howrah station, we were treated like royalty…..we were the “boys” …… now that I think of it, we were more like the “brats”….. we terrorized the bloody routes, most of the time…..but all that being said and exclaimed over….I was still a limber boy and though I was over-weight still, I effectively and efficiently carried the weight around and used it to proper effect in various fora (namely, as a battering ram most usually wherever it was required and even a few places, it was not)

Anyway, ablutions done, I returned to my cabin and plopped myself down with DBoy II to at least make amends with myself, if not with any idiot who’s mad enough to read this….

AND there ARE people who read this…..and then find ways of complaining to my relatives that I have written such and such!!! I am still laughing at that!!! Someone wants to sue for name-calling?? Bring it ON!!!! I still have the drunken tapes and worse…..

Okay, sorry for the digression…..

How the hell did I land up here, on an Indian toilet, still smoking my beloved roll-up’s and wondering where the fuck am I going to get into next??

It was about 2 years ago around the same time that I started this blog…..yeah, dates be damned, I started the blog, once I got my laptop (DBoy I, who is now my brother’s property) but the thought process I had described had actually started around that time….

The whole concept of leaving the UK had been playing on my mind for quite some time, but the moot question was how to go back and what the hell I would do back home….plus the issue of becoming “secure” which my girl was concerned about and I was frantic for….

I had a decent job, but it was a job which paid the rent and not something I could possibly call a career to be dead honest…..I had decent lodgings, but if I wanted to see a future ahead for myself, all I got was a hell of a lot of static on the crystal ball….

On a sudden impulse (yeah, stop grinning you, I know I am impulsive) I decided to go home….I mean, like hell I deserved it…..It was more than 20 months since I had taken a break, gone home or done anything beyond work…..(time spent with P does not count ……. hehehehehehehehehe……)

Utilizing the utmost caution, I booked my tickets, took leave from work and sety off home…..having no informed ANYONE back home that I was coming, it was an utter and splendid surprise with mom actually going beserk for a few minutes and quasi-beserk for the next two weeks (she would insist on hitting me everytime I was around – to make up for the past 2 years quota, she’d claim)

But the honest fact was, before I bought the tickets, I had been talking to my buddies back home to check out the scene and setting up interviews……yeah, it was hell on my phone bills, but I guess it was worth it…..working up the nerve to actually book the tickets on a do or die expedition to go back home and knock on a few doors was the impulsive part……

To cut a long story short, I got an interview with a consultancy firm working with SEBI on trade disinvestment and other such issues that I had studied about and knew how to blow the breeze for all I was worth…..and THAT is a humongous amount of bullshit to be up in the air, let me tell you….

So, they offered me a decent package and I upped sticks, as the expression goes…..not that it was not hard leaving P, but I really needed to get the hell going, if I wanted to have any sort of a future with her…..in fact, any kind of a future at all….

So here you find me, on my way to Delhi to make good all that bullshit…..and I am just done shitting, if you know what I mean….

I have no idea where I’ll land up next…..as my friends tell me, I am the epitome of the reckless adventurer every boy dreams of becoming ….. (AND every boy dumps the dream; the minute he sees a pretty girl’s eyes twinkling back at him…..I was just unlucky, I still state)

I am the most incongruous adventurer type you’ll ever find…..I am fat (intend to change that – VLCC, here I come!!), lazy, a slob and existentially the most uninterested character one can ever find…..Brendan Fraser, I sure am NOT…..

And yet, I still live the dream….essentially fancy free and foot loose with a huge bike, a bag full of degree’s, a head stuffed with imagination and a tongue glib enough to convince the ferryman to let me cross the river to the next bend……

I believe in myself….. I believe that one can essentially live life, if one takes whatever is thrown at him and makes use of the same…..I live life in the small details….in the sadistic pleasures of a dump aboard an Indian train, of watching the clouds form a fleecy firmament at 35,000 feet above the earth, of the surprise (actually shock) of my mom’s face, of the wind ruffling my bare scalp as I ride without a helmet……Yes, I believe life can be lived like a gamble, riding high on the chance, on the roll of the dice, learning from the lows even….

One HAS to gamble with life…..not always, but at times…..you cannot live life by the book…..but you can sure as hell write the damn book yourself….

Small things, all of us can do, the small pleasures of life….even with the pains, which make it all so alive…..

Glasgow is long gone……here comes Delhi….

Blog on, aye??!!!

Thing's are happening.....

Just finished wiping up my roomie's puke......and before any of you get anxious or even sickened by this, allow me to tell you, its no worse than dog puke.....

Dog puke....and poop.....that really teaches you to be a dad.....nothing like wiping up someone else's shyte just because you like them enough to keep them......

Do I wanna be a dad ?? Hell no.......not yet.....

But I wouldnt mind being one......not yet, but some day perhaps.....and goddamn it, I am sure getting the trainng for it.....

I thought of different things that would go into this blog....

Thunderstorms and how homesick I get when I hear the thunder crackling and the lightening flashing.....

About the craziness of life and how it treats you.....and how good hash tastes after nearly 9 years......

About the law and how its worse than heroin......I mean addictive powress and its whole grip on your consciousness

Also about how much I love my girl......and hell, thats one subject I never thought I'd EVER write about....EVER again........

Hiya folks, this is my first post from DBoy-2........my second lappy, in case you were wondering........am still stuck at the dead end job at John Lewis, despite promotions and discounts on JL products.....courtsey my new lappy and the sexy altec lansing speakers.........

Guess I am a lil bit happy tonite.......4 cans of beer and followed by a cleaning up session, followed by a rum and lime juice session (hell, come on, I dont have fresh limes...not at 4.34 am!!!) but then I am happy for things beyond just alcohol......

I have a sad job......which pays the rent......and I have a girlfriend with a short fuse......one who pays for my serenity......I mean, hello....I was the one with the short fuse......and suddenly she is the one with the short fuse and the penis in the relationship (as tonyda put's it succintly)....


I cant even begin to explain my adventures till date.....and that's just how bad it is......

My parents are still not very happy about breaking up with the one mentioned before.....did I ever tell you about that phase in life ? ..... No ?? trust me you dont wanna hear about it.....and guess what, I didnt even meet the damn female !!! One for the record books you'll all say......but hey, I am the guy who has seen it all, done it before and bought that damn t-shirt.....at a bargain too !!!!

I was on the floor the other day when summer came calling in scotalnd with gales, thunderstorm's and warm rain........well warm by our standards......

The girls on the floor were shivering and the guys were being very nice and macho about it....I was simply wonderstuck......the very sound of the thunder was striking me homesick with every crack and crackle.......I grew up in a area of high precipitation......and the thunder meant always home for me.......rain and the sun, thats what I grew up with.....and if I wont get the sun, damn me if I wont make do with the damn rain......

its getting on morning......I can see the light lightening.....I mean, how more pedantic can you get.....but its what it is....its a holiday and I just dont want to waste it........

I have to give my QLTT's (Qualified Lawyers Transfer Test) equivalent to the solicitor's exams out here......cant seem to get a job as a project officer anywhere.......27 interview rejections is a lil hard to take ...... and the law seems to give out a siren call to me, no matter where I am......

As palz says "you cant outrun your destiny"......and I ran my heart out......but I have always ended up advising people on what they should do or not......or better still, getting them out of scrapes.....its like destiny or fate handed me the damn mop and bucket and told me to clean up people's messes as best as I could....

This does not reflect on my roomie......poor bugger is a kid.........but in any case, I cant seem to help it.......I have to consult and advise people.....whether at home or at work.......

So, after a hiathus of more than 2 years I am preparing to go into the field I was actually trained for........no doubt with more rules and encircling safeguards than in India.....but hell, I'll probably find out some loopholes here as well, not to mention guys who''ll give me a break and a slight chance ahead of the other idiots hammer their heads at the bar rails.....oops, pun there, nearly.....

I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do........27 rejections in 1.5 months is nothing to sniff at......I nearly went beserk........I have always achieved every damn thing I wanted....and suddenly, the door's are all closed.......and trust me, I tried......

Popny says its good for character building.......god, its odious......if this is character building, I am out of the construction business

I love palz.......a small lil thing with the temper of a greek goddess and the cherubic looks of the same.......its crazy, I know......should have known better, should have done better.....but I cant.....it just happened.....she has this crazy sense of pragmatism and humour that is well nigh unassailable....I cant make her see sense or reason....

I was renouned for my fierce temper and indomitable attitude.....I just wouldnt give up and I'd blow at the slightest infraction......in any case.....as dad would have it, the great lion has become a tabby cat........and she has got my strings.....

There's just so much to write and these are just my impressions........the book is a bit further away than you and I envisaged it to be, old friend.......

I have acquired a new girlfriend, a new lappy and apparently a new take on life.......things are happening.....

9 Minutes to Freedom

Hi there,

Its been a while……

Expanses of white welcome me back, like a comfortable back rub…… with the sudden wait for a better phrase, like a sudden twinge of a muscle eased back into place…..

Everything’s changed and yet not……for starter’s, I want to write about something and that something which is not a rant……this is a post intended to be happy…..doubtful if it manages that, but the intention is there….

Freedom….. 9 minutes to freedom……

Obsessive, compulsive , reckless, incomprehensible and complete…..freedom….

The clock’s seem to slow down in their relentless run just as the witching hour approaches……the adrenaline surges and the spirit soar’s……..its 9 minutes to 5 pm…..might be 9 minutes to 6, 7, 8 or whatever…….even 12 is good…..

The 9 minutes are the slowest crawl to finishing office……whatever the damn time is…..

You can see the stolen glances at watches, the rummaging of the desk debris to be stuffed into backpack’s……the clearing of spaces, the stretching of limbs…….its like a silent signal, undulating in waves……

You never get to see the 9 minutes to slavery……..wouldnt want to……its private space to yourself and pretty much jealously guarded……you know what I mean…..

But the 9 minutes to freedom is shared…….people you don’t like will manage a nod, if not a grin……and its not even the weekend……

Lives consolidated reach out in that 9 minutes of intended reprieve……

Why am I even writing about something so insignificant?

Well, after much and arduous introspection which got me absolutely nowhere……and an idiotic rage and heartache which led me away from happiness and back to it again……I am resolved to enjoy the insignificant moments of life…..

Resolved to wring to the utmost, the elation of the resurgent sun rising as I blearily walk into office on a 7 am shift…….he says hi to me and I grumble back at him….

Determined to enjoy the bitter tang of unsweetened coffee as sugar level’s go down…….bitter is also a taste and one can savor it as much as sweetness……

Decided to believe in fate and the possibility of approaching joy of 9 minutes to freedom…….and to grin in those 9 minutes…..

Its not much that we do in this world that actually determine our existence……there are just so many factor’s and possibilities that weigh on an outcome that all we can do is to do our best and enjoy the moment……

Those very same insignificant moments……

Like when I am taken aback by some inane witticism of palz……or it could be just anything at all…..anything that makes me feel ……

Not much we feel today……considering how wrapped up we all are…..in our lives, anxieties and so MUCH baggage…..

I wonder when you last TASTED food? The last time you rolled in bed and held someone warm on a chilly morning? The last time you felt the sun on your shoulder blades or anything else at all and said to yourself….this….THIS ….. is good and I am good……

You gotta love those minute’s…….

Like I said……9 minutes to freedom……

Next time, wait, sit back, look around…..in those 9 minutes to freedom….

You might surprise yourself…….

Yeah…..I am back…..

Lost & Found.....

Its sometimes funny how life really turns out.....or turns in......simply drifts away on a tangent you never expect......

Its been quite a while since I logged back on these pages and the funniest thing is that I honestly did not expect to return here in such a bemused state of mind.......

Truth, Love, Justice, Belief's......and so much more.....and how I have ranted and raved over the months on these very same pages that today I wonder where it all came out of....

The facts of life as we observe them are never as we wish them to remain .....and yet change, inevitable change is bound to happen.....and when it does we are either confused or basically unprepared for them......

I once wrote that its only possible for me to write or rather rave & rant when I have nothing else in my heart........well......it still holds true......

Nearly three months of mind-numbing hard labour in the John Lewis call centre floor and then finally on to the logistics branch......but hell thats my usual shyte.....nae baaver.....

Three months in which got graduated, got a new job, got paid, got promoted, got a girl.......and finally my stock of words is dry and myself too...

So, what do I do with this blog page ?? And the rest of myself ???

I am finally grinning again......for no good reason......

Its a wee bit scary and funny and a thousand feeelings and ideas and fears run rampant....and I am unable to pin them down with my words and my keyboard.....

She is funny and pretty and inane and insane, disgusting and enthralling, patient and impatient.......yeah, yeah....you get the hint, I know

The point is....I dont have a point....

Will get back to you when I do have a point.......to make that is and not to berate and bullshit about....

So, message to the rest of you and myself ;

Unavoidably detained by the world
Expect me when you see me.....