Women & Complications...

My roomie murli just asked me why women were so complicated…..

In reply, I dug through my scrapbook collection of accumulated wisdom that I found useful and some of my own thoughts on the topic……well, basically I typed “woman” on my find button in MS Word and I kept on clicking…

Some of my finds –

§ A woman is a compendium of wonders. The one thing you must never expect her to be is a gentleman, complete with honour and code.
§ No matter what any man says, there is nothing better than two, a man and a woman, who walk together. When they walk right together, there is no way too long and no night too dark.
§ A man ought to have a woman to cry for him when he goes out. And not just his mother either.
§ There are more snares and traps in a woman’s lashes than in all the poacher’s stores of the world.
§ The proper place for any man or woman is where they are needed.
§ Women are a practical lot. They get right down to bedrock about things and no woman is going to waste time remembering a man who was fool enough to get himself killed. Thing to do is to live for love, not die for it. Though most womenfolk’s would a rather see a man dead than with another woman.
§ No man can shape his life according to a woman’s thinking. Nor should any woman try to influence a man towards her way. There must be give and take between them, but when a man faces a man’s problems, he has to face them a man’s way.
§ A man he has got to get along mostly with hard work and persistence, but with a woman is mostly maneuver. Men have to maneuver too, especially so when it comes to womenfolk’s
§ A beautiful woman……shaped like music.
§ A woman who has trapped her game has a different way about her than one who is still on the stalk.
§ To fall fearlessly in fate as a man falls in love with a shy woman’s best smile.
§ Romantic love is your heart lost in the dream of a woman’s face and your soul lost in the dream of her body.
§ Nothing in the world is as soft and pleasing to the touch, as the skin of a woman’s thigh where the flesh is warm, smooth and supple. No flowers, feather or fabric can match that velvet whisper of flesh. No matter, how unequal they may be in other ways, all women, old and young, fat and thin, beautiful and ugly, have that perfection. It’s a great part of the reason why men hunger to possess women and so often convince themselves that they do possess them, the thigh, that touch.
§ A woman’s long and thick plait of hair is the rope by which a man may climb to heaven.
§ Of the many reasons we love women for, the best is the fact that a woman does what God should do; a woman sometimes gives us a reason to live and love this world.
§ The fully mature woman has about two seconds of life left after maturing.
§ The love of a woman is held in a vault of hearts while the condemning and cruel world tries to reach it through our skin and bones. They claim a hidden corner of our hearts, all those moments that stay with us, unscreamed. That’s where loves, like elephants, drag themselves to die. It’s the place where pride allows itself to cry. You can never tell what people have inside them until you start taking it away, one hope at a time. Sometimes, the worst thing you can do to a woman is to love her.
§ A good man is as strong as the right woman needs him to be.
§ Despite the misfortunes of destiny and the vagaries of fate, I always knew with perfect understanding and pleasure I would ever know was in that laugh; to make that woman laugh and to feel the laughter bubbling from her lips against my face, my skin.
§ The tender close hug that a woman gives a man when she knows she can trust him or when she is sure his heart belongs to someone else.

Other people’s writings and thoughts -

§ The door was still ajar, but there was a tentative tap on it which said, in a kind of metaphorical Morse code, that the tapper could see very well that Carrot was in his room with a scantily clad woman and was trying to knock without actually being heard. § The person on the other side was a young woman. Very obviously a young woman. There was no possible way that she could have been mistaken for a young man in any language, especially Braille.§ She moved like someone who had grown used to her body and, in general, looked like what Vimes had heard described as "a woman of a certain age." He'd never been quite certain what age that was.§ "'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself." Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.
§ There was an advert I rather liked. Devastated woman: "I’ve just seen the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!" Husband: "Never mind, love, it’s not the end of the world."
§ Never play poker with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.
- Algren's Law
§ That man says women can't have as much rights as men, because Christ wasn't a woman. Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman. Man had nothing to do with him.
- Sojouner Truth (1851)
§ It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry.
- H. L. Mencken
§ A man without a woman is like a tugboat in a logjam.
- Anon
§ Love? Pah. Overrated. Here, look, these are my three wives: Pestilence, Famine and Death. Do you think I married them for their personalities? Their personalities could shatter entire planets! Arranged marriages, every one, but they worked out. They inspired me. Knowing that they are waiting at home for me is what keeps me here -- 75 light years away.
- Londo, "Babylon 5 - The War Prayer"
§ Men always want to be a womans first love - women like to be a mans last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
§ Give me a look, give me a face, that makes simplicity a grace; Robes loosely flowing, hair as free,-- Such sweet neglect more taketh me Than all the adulteries of art: They strike mine eyes, but not my heart. - Benjamin Johnson, "Epicaene; Or, the Silent Woman"
§ Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don't need to know about men. It's the men who have to know about beautiful women. - Katherine Hepburn
§ A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. - Mae West
§ The game women play is men. - Adam Smith
§ People who get married because they're in love make a ridiculous mistake. It makes much more sense to marry your best friend. You like your best friend more than anyone you're ever going to be in love with. You dont choose your best friend because they have a cute nose. - Fran Lebowitz
§ "One of the great injustices in fiction is that on the whole people with romantic yearnings have romantic faces. But in real life it's not always like that." - Julian Fellowes
§ Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. - William Concreve
§ "In revenge and in love. woman is more barbarous than man." - Nietzsche
§ "You men do it well, tormenting a girl. You must be born with it." - Janie, in "Allegheny Uprising"
§ Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. - Mary Schmich
§ "My old man used to say, before he left this world, never chase buses or women. You always get left behind." - Marlboro to Harley, "Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man"
§ What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.
- George Bernard Shaw
§ He is a fool who thinks by force or skill to turn the current of a woman's will.
- Samuel Tuke, "Adventures of Five Hours"
§ The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.
- Jonathon Swift, "Thoughts on Various Subjects"
§ Man is the hunter; woman is his game. The sleek and shining creatures of the chase, we hunt them for the beauty of their skins; they love us for it, and we ride them down.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
§ Whether they yield or refuse, it delights women to have been asked.
- Ovid
§ The happiness of the married man depends on the woman he has not married.
- Oscar Wilde
§ "A relationship, I think is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."
- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
§ "The first thing to learn about a deck of cards is how to handle them. They're a whole lot like women. Usually, when you pick one up, you wish you hadn't."
- Wolf Wylie to Duke Fergus (John Wayne) in "Flame of the Barbary Coast"
§ The behaviour of lovers is oscillating like the moon, and unpredictable as the weather...
- Schuster & Sigmund
§ She knocked me out. I mean it. I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you half fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.
- JD Salinger
§ "Ladette Culture doesn't inspire a grown man to want to share his life with a girl who sleeps with as many men as she can pull and drinks until she's sick."
- Joan Collins
§ "What's up with you commitment-phobic men and women? How long will you guys and gals hide behind the word friend to avoid the two scariest words in the English language: girlfriend and boyfriend."
- Ms. Yolanda H
§ Whenever I see two women kissing, it reminds me of nothing so much as two prize-fighters shaking hands.
- HL Mencken
§ "As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately."
- Garrison Keillor, Salon Magazine
§ To Kiss : An attempt to absorb the essence of the other person.
- Casanova
§ "The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before."
- F Scott Fitzgerald
§ Throughout history, adultery has had few rivals as a cause of murder and human misery. The reason we tend to resemble our mates is that many of us are looking for someone who reminds us of our parent or sibling of the opposite sex, who in turn resembles us.
- Jared Diamond, "The Rise and Fall of the Third Chimpanzee"
§ "Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and..., particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on... " "That was very romantic." "Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right. "
- Charles & Carrie, "Four Weddings & A Funeral "
§ You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong
§ Almost as complicated as a woman. Except it's on time. - Advertisement for IWC watches in "The Spectator"
§ A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
- Don Quinn
§ No man should marry until he had studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
- Balzac
§ Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do: fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.
- Richard J. Needham
§ When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?
- Edith Evans
§ If a man is standing in the middle of a forest, and he says something, and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
- Andrew Blendermann

I reached page 254 on my scrapbook …….have about 3000 odd pages more…….holler if you want more…..