Perfect letter to scare off wannabe wives……

Dear XYZ,

I wish I could start this letter on more favourable terms however, the fact remains that since both are pretty well scarred, its always better to start with some diffidence...that means, with some distance, silly...don’t reach for the dictionary just right now!!!

Okay, lets have a look at the scenario....

You:

1. Been dumped
2. Getting old
3. Bored out of your wits though not lonely
4. Require companionship as most old pals are too busy with THEIR own lives
5. Require security and yet interesting lifestyle, hopefully with some excitement and fun thrown in…probably some love wouldn’t hurt…and by love, I mean, an idiot who thinks all that you do is sooooo cute and okay-dokie…and for preference, who earns well enough to offer decent security and spending cash…
6. Have to make a decision fast within this year hopefully….one way or the other…
7. No real contenders for your hand in marriage, to be honest, I am more like the runners-up trophy, something if not nothing, half a loaf of bread better than nothing etc etc

Me:

1. Been dumped
2. Getting old
3. Lonely beyond belief though not bored
4. Require companionship as most old pals are too busy with THEIR own lives
5. Require someone who understands my wild ways and need for experimentation as well my abilities….someone who gets my jokes and stops me from going comatose on alcohol if I don’t have enough work to keep me busy….someone who could possibly read my writings and criticise/appreciate them, listen to my wild ramblings and lead me back to saner alternatives…..In short, I require someone who’ll love me despite my failings and accept and understand my efforts to win the world for them.
6. Have no time limit on my decisions….yet, there is a limit on my decisions….I don’t waste time or emotion or at least try not to
7. Have enough participants, though not one yet who is reaching me….maybe because I have the doors shut tight….whatever…..the fact is, despite my obesity (That means being overweight!!) and my wild ways, I am still a decent “catch” for most idiotic females and their bloody families…..something which really depresses me as I don’t fancy being “auctioned” off or being traded like a bloody horse/donkey….I mean, get a grip ladies/families….what’s marriage for you…beauty/youth in exchange for ugly/security….its not a bloody trade off!!!

I don’t mean to be rude and all that jazz, but the truth is a bit convoluted…

You said, you could read anything through… so fine, wade through this and think about it

To start with, my parents did NOT have a decent marriage….fought like cats & dogs and I don’t want a marriage where I have to fight my wife over silly issues instead of resolving them normally…I took a lot of shit from both over different issues and hence my initial supposition of marriage is pretty much shit to begin with….

For me, marriage would involve a life where I could cuddle my wife and argue with her on my lap, some give and take and definitely a lot of space….hmmmm, pretty much what everyone wants, isn’t it?

Next, I have complexes….big ones….they have made me a tougher fighter, but its not easy to live with them….I have a tremendous inferiority complex about my looks and an enormous attention seeking mania amongst others…. Which in turn explains my drive to win at any cost and also my plethora of girlfriends over the years and no commitment to anyone or anything besides my own objectives….As one of my ex’s put it…I am interested in everything, committed to nothing…

So, finally, with all this baggage, I did finally meet someone who could handle it all and yet like me….and THAT’S saying a lot….I gave her a lot of grief initially but in the end, I was hers….

(This is usually me….I will make you laugh and help you and all that shit, but wont trust you till I am sure of you…..but once I do…I am yours for life… typical d-boy nonsense, yeah? But you’ve gotta admit, it sounds very jazzy and nice!!!)

Anyway, took quite a bit of time for the lady to actually open me up….because I don’t ever show who I am or what I am thinking…I show a lot of rubbish…a lot of silliness and inanity, but usually, I know pretty well where I am going and what I am doing….you’ll realise this if you really get to know me and my manner of achieving objectives, which is a rather far way off presently….

NOW, we get really messy….I got dumped….hence, all my existential angst (This means anger at even being alive) and absolute depressionist tendencies and suicidal berserker alcoholic binges… I swing like an yo-yo with no bloody fear of consequences or of falling…hence I am usually successful at the risks I take…

After going through so much verbiage (look this one up in the dictionary….ha ha ha) I would commend you for having survived so far…

The point is….I am a mess….I have some good points and a hell of a lot of bad points…so, basically, I am a talented mess…and that takes some doing…

Do you really want all this shit?

Do you really want a guy who has abilities, dreams and yet is so messed up that he doesn’t know which way to turn if confronted with something personal?

Do you want a guy who can be an utter bastard with all the dirty tricks known and ready to roll, with a past as long as your arm and a scar to show for every time he screwed or got screwed?

Do you want a guy who knows he will make a change someway, somewhere; a guy who’s had the living shit kicked out of him and yet has picked himself up again to fight?

Do you really want this guy or is it merely a compromise for your own needs and wants, because to be honest, this would be the last time this guy would ever even consider opening the doors to his heart, mind and soul….provided you know how to push open the doors?

Regards,

D

PS

If you are still not satisfied with so much of crap, you can read my blogs underneath….and I’d be seriously impressed then….

Have fun…