Lack of thoughts....

Its been 20 days since I last wrote…

For most people, that’s a normal amount of time to take between abusing their laptops for a relentless self analysis with no end in sight….

For most people, they would not even BE considering the above line….

OR even writing it……

I am…..idiotic, isn’t it?

In the past twenty days, my life has again undergone one of those systematic upheavals of fate, destiny and shit-faced idiosyncrasies or vagaries of fate, which drives most people to thoughts of destruction/annihilation of the whole bloody human race or at least of one member of the said race….

I have given up, screaming out loud, looking up and asking “WHY???”, taking each day as it comes, not giving a shit, just going on……

I am past that…..

So, where am I?

Lost….that’s definite.

Misplaced…. Most probably

Insane….obviously

Hmmmmmmm….

My life is a spiral of events, people and issues connecting, colliding and usually crashing with severe mortality rates…my question always is;

Where are my cigarettes?

That about sums it up….

I have berserker rampages when I am asleep or drunk, I have insomnia, I have somnambulism, I have long rants and monologues on the treachery of women, I have dirty living habits, I AM dirty, my room is a mess, but less than my life…..Oh, its all about me and I and myself….what else did you expect…..

Does someone upstairs take my shitty prose seriously and think all this shit in my life is character building or at least motivation for some soul searing shit on paper I wouldn’t wipe my arse with??

I mean, get a life, for anyone’s sake…..

I write to expose my own hypocritical, attention seeking, anal retentive behaviour and also to polish up my crude attempts at humour…don’t you get it, yet?


I wish I could find myself within the inventive clutter of my monstrously messed up life and mind and for that elusive moment when all this shit would shine golden and smell of roses and hope….

But, that moment came and went and I am stuck in the gloom of my own making.

I was recently reading the consolations of philosophy by Alain de Botton and the opening chapter speaks of the death of Socrates who went to his sentenced death, peacefully, happily and willingly. Because he was dying for a cause, for his thoughts, for his definitions….

So many people in the world die….how many of them actually die today for a thought, or even for a reason….

According to the statistics on fanatics of religion and caste and cause….a worrying too many….

How would I die?

Would I prefer to die for a cause, for an issue, for a reason?

Happily at this state of mind, career and presence….I would.

I wonder, how many are there like me….and how much they wish to die?